Chapter Text
Carter pushed shut his locker and left the lounge. He'd worked a very short shift to fill in this morning, and now he was on his way home. He gave a brief wave to Morris and headed out the sliding doors into the ambulance bay.
Morris was quite a surprise, he never thought the guy would amount to much of a doctor, but he had 'set the tone'. Though he wasn't sure Morris ever quite got the meaning of the phrase, Carter sure had once he found out Mark had left County for good.
Carter missed the old days at County. The current staff was nice, but they sure weren't Benton, or Mark, or Doug, Susan or Carol. Or Deb. He really missed Deb, and wondered how she was doing over in China. They emailed every now and again, but it was not the same as seeing her smiling face. They used to flirt and their practical jokes on each other and verbal sparring were legendary. She was just a friend, but a good one.
Chicago was very empty these days. He'd lost touch with so many people and of course the ones he was closest to were all gone. Even Luka, who he'd become friends with, had moved up to Boston with Abby.
That was a shocker, when Pratt had come to Darfur and told him Luka and Abby were together again and that she was pregnant. She'd always told him she didn't know if she could face the thought of having a child and then finding out they were bipolar.
Carter had always told her that she would love the child anyway. But it didn't really matter in the end, putting him and Abby together as a couple, it was like trying to mix oil and vinegar, it meshed for a while but always separated. He was happy for Abby and Luka, if they were happy. He'd asked Sam a couple times how they were doing but she was not very forthcoming, actually evasive most times, and he didn't bother anymore. What did it matter? He'd gotten over Abby long ago. She was never the right woman for him, like a round peg in a square hole, they never quite fit. Still he would have liked to know she and Luka had ended up happy, but he was not so sure it was the case. Something about the way Sam evaded the question made him think things were not so rosy for them. Which was too bad, really. Luka deserved to finally be happy. Abby? She'd never be truly happy, it wasn't in her to accept anything good into her life.
He'd thought he'd finally found the right woman with Kem, but even that wasn'tworking out how he hoped. When they found out they were having a baby, they were both happy and excited and so in love with each other. Then they lost Joshua, before he was even born, before they got the chance to even know him. That was the beginning of the end, though Carter didn't want to accept it at the time. He had loved her so much, and he thought she loved him too. At least she said she did, every time they spoke, which was quite often, even when they were apart.
He made the fateful trip to Paris, and couldn't bring himself to leave without giving it at least one more try. And to his surprise, she said yes, she wanted to marry him, she wanted them to be together. Which worked for a while, they were happy on the surface, but underneath, Carter was starting to notice the deep melancholy that seemed to have invaded her soul.
They talked about the future, but she avoided even the suggestion that they try tohave another baby. It would always end with Kem in tears, sobbing and mourning the loss of Joshua. Carter was devastated by this, he had so wanted a family, and of course he mourned the loss of their child too. But at some point they had to move on. Carter had a lot of practice at moving on after loss, but Kem not so much and she dwelt on it. Over time Carter stopped talking about it, though it ate at him, how he had given up so much to be with her, and it was all falling apart. How much he wanted a family, even one child would have made him happy, but Kem was pushing him away. Emotionally and physically.
He buried himself in work, and so did she. He knew she was now seeking comfort with Michel whenever she went to Paris, that she wasn't faithful in their marriage. Hell, they barely had a marriage anymore, let alone a sex life together. As much as he still cared for her, Carter was lonely, and hurting. He started his own affair. Not something he was proud of, but it helped to assuage the pain and loneliness as his marriage collapsed and Kem spent more and more time away. They were discreet, but people knew what was going on. It was different over there, though, no one judged him, or made a big deal of it. It was clear Kem was spending more time away and things were falling apart.
And Carter was spending more time in Darfur, when Kem was away. It gave some purpose to his life, a reason for being there. Until it almost killed him.
When Carter got sick, he tried to deny the reality, but it was only a matter of days before they airlifted him out of Darfur and took him to Nairobi. He took the news stoically, his kidney was being destroyed by an infection and he knew his time in Africa was over. They did dialysis, treated the infection and soon he was well enough to charter a flight back to the States. He had a private nurse to take care of him for the flight, and he slept most of the way, so he made it back and checked into Northwestern where he was accepted as a patient by a top Nephrologist and put on the UNOS transplant list.
He let Kem know where he was, but she never visited him, not in Nairobi and not in the States. In fact he didn't even tell her he was waiting for a transplant, he wasn't sure she would really care. She didn't seem to have much concern he was ill in Nairobi either. She later told him she didn't have the heart to see him so ill, and that she had been worried, but it didn't make him feel any better. He needed her so much, but typical of the women in his life, they abandoned him in his time of need. It was hard for him to get past it this time, she had left right after losing Joshua, saying she needed time, which he had given her.
He had even tried to move on, but he knew where his heart was, with Kem, and he was very happy the day she agreed to give it another chance. But of course, it all fell apart, just like every relationship he'd ever had.
Debbie and Angelique did come to see him though, and he was sure that waswhy he pulled through. The fact that he'd had friends there when he woke up, that he didn't feel so alone in the world. Another story of his life, feeling incredibly alone. His parents were never around, his brother had died, and most of the people he got close to left or died on him. The friends he had made at school all moved off into their own lives and his wife was never around.
By the time he ended up in the hospital at Northwestern waiting for his transplant, he had given up on Kem. He was falsely cheerful with Peter when he visited, though he was happy to see a familiar friendly face. He rarely even spoke to his parents, his friends now were all in Africa, or scattered about the globe, and he was very much alone in Chicago, waiting to learn his fate.
He had only a small hope left that he would ever be with Kem again, she had drifted away from him and their last conversation when he called to let her know what was happening was short. He was left feeling empty and defeated, but the continuous visits from Peter and the visits from a few people from County made him realize that he was very lucky to have survived, yet again. Someone had died so he could live and he remembered the little girl he had missed his graduation to sit with.
She was very sick and he had stayed and played cards with her. They had talked about how bad things were happening to people every day, and he remembered how brave she was during the whole process. Carter knew he still had a lot to give, a lot of people he could help, he needed to see through the opening of the Carter Center and make sure the dream became a reality.
So he rested and recovered. Went back to work on a part time basis and got back into shape, being careful to eat properly and take care of himself. He found his optimism and started to look forward to opening the center. He was very pleased with how it had turned out, and he looked up Kerry and invited her, and tracked down Susan, sending her an invitation as well. He invited Peter, of course, and Rachel Greene and Elizabeth Corday when he ran into Rachel by chance at County.
Carter met Kerry at the Center, and gave her a hug. It was good to see her, they'd had their differences over time, but honestly she could be a good person. They had an unusual bond, a love/hate relationship at times, she had been his landlord many years ago, and he saw the softer side of Kerry.
Most people would be shocked to learn Kerry had a soft side, but she did. He saw it when she looked at her son, when she had been with Sandy, who had died so tragically. Carter knew about loss, he knew way too much about loss.
Then he turned and saw Susan. She looked amazing, as beautiful as ever, and he felt a twinge of regret. He had always had such a crush on her, and the feeling were still there, hovering just below the surface, but she'd never cared for him as much. They'd dated, if he could call it truly dating. It had never led anywhere, she'd held back with him, told him it wasn't there for her.
Of course at the time he was kind of hung up on Abby, a relationship that had turned out to be a huge mistake. And though she denied it, he'd thought at the time,Susan was hung up on Mark Greene.
He opened the door, ushering them through, hoping they would be as impressed with the Center as he was, it was a dream coming to fruition after a very long time.
