“Oh, and I have HIV…”
My friend announced clearly and boldly. She went ahead to talk about an insignificant story as though she had not just knocked my socks off.
I was taken aback by her revelation. In retrospect, what shocked me was not the diagnosis, but that it had taken her years to finally open up to me. I was in a daze, torn between thinking about the implications of her words and not thinking about it at all. Why hadn’t she told me all this time? I supported her when she described her otherness experiences. I supported her when she told me she was queer. I also took it calmly when she explained her unconventional religious beliefs. After all, she had a right to the freedom of thought, consciousness, and religion.
“Why didn’t you tell me”? I managed to ask her in as much of a normal voice as I could. I knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment I blurted out the words. “Well, I’m telling you now,” she said as she moved on to another story. The rest of the conversation was uneventful and I was only halfway listening. I realized that she opened up to me because she felt safe enough to share the information with me. It must have been challenging for her as she could not reveal aspects of herself because of fear of prejudice and discrimination.
In an ideal world, people do not have to hide aspects of themselves in an attempt to fit it. But the reality is that people who are different from the rest of the society are regarded as the “other” group. The concept of otherness is defined as a phenomenon in which some groups of the population do not fit in with societal norms. Individuals identifying with an “other” lifestyle face social stigma and discrimination as they are seen as part of the out-group. Otherness contributes to the “us vs. them” mentality and promotes the formation of prejudice against people and groups.
Types of Otherness
Othering can be based on attributes such as:
· Age
· Skin color
· Sexual orientation
· Disability status
· Gender identity
· Health status
· Political affiliation
· Lifestyles
· Socieconomic status
· Language
Examples of Othering
Othering is often subtle and may involve unconscious assumptions about other people. It could be as simple as attributing positive qualities to people who are like us and assigning negative qualities to people who are different from us. Other forms of othering include refusing to interact with people because they are different from us, believing people from another social group could pose a threat to us, and thinking that people from other social groups are less intelligent or not as special as one’s group.
Otherness may happen without awareness or conscious effort. It prevents people who are seen as outsiders from being accepted as valuable members of the community.
Ways of Minimizing Othering
· Becoming aware of your own unconscious bias
· Broadening your social cycle
· Making a deliberate effort to learn about other social groups
· Speaking up whenever you see it happening
The first step to minimize otherness is to recognize it and to get rid of the “us vs. them” mentality. Othering not only excludes others who do not conform to dominant cultures, but also prevents us from understanding and empathizing with others.
